WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE BEING PIMPED AND/OR TRAFFICKED
So you think your child, or someone you
care about, is being pimped or trafficked? This book will give you
some of our experience on what we've seen to be effective from our
viewpoint as a survivor, and as someone who has worked with helping
others to escape, and recover from, the sex industry and trafficking
in many forms over 30 years now.
We are not doctors, lawyers, law
enforcement, or professionals - so please understand what is
contained in this book is purely our personal experience, and our
personal opinions. We therefore hold no liability for what
you're about to embark upon in this journey. Any decisions you make
after reading this material is your responsibility.
STEP ONE
The first thing you need to do is
assess the situation. Is she, or he, being groomed by a pimp or
being enticed to engage in something you think might be sex
trafficking? Things like being promised a modeling or dancing job in
another country despite the fact they're not with an agency or maybe
they're an “unknown”? When nightclubs, or entertainers, in other
countries are looking for legitimate models, dancers, or performers –
they will consult a legitimate agency or agent. They aren't hanging
out at the local mall or approaching your loved one in a club and
making job offers. Is there a guy you don't trust buying her a lot
of presents?
So the first thing to do is to
determine where you are on the path of this relationship. Is it just
starting? Is she, or he, being already forced into prostitution or
sex work? Remember, the sex industry can be more than prostitution.
It could also be stripping, porn, or even working at a webcam or
phone sex job. The sex industry is a very large field, and can
involve legal as well as illegal jobs. They might be on a corner, or
in a perfectly legal business operation where they're getting a
paycheck. Sometimes it's a combination of the legal and illegal.
Meaning the first thing you need to do is to open yourself up a file.
Then write notes on where you think the person you're worried about
is with this situation, and why you believe what you believe.
STEP TWO
If you suspect anything, immediately
start documenting everything. Gather current photos of the person
you're worried about. Make sure you get things like their social
security number, copy of their ID, their legal name, a photo of their
tattoos', anything you might need to identify the person you're
worried about AND the other person and/or company you're worried
about. If you're a parent, and this is a juvenile we're talking
about – the local police will usually be able to help make a
fingerprint file on your child if you don't have one.
So if you don't have something like
this now – get it made. You should have a current photo of their
face and body, along with measurements of their height, and weight,
along with dental records. If you don't have a fingerprint file and
your local police station doesn't have something to help you with
this – make it yourself with an ink pad and paper. Believe it or
not – photos of ears are also important. No two people have the
same ears. It's a horrible thing to think they might disappear
tomorrow – but it would be even worse if you have no way of
identifying your loved one properly in that event.
If there's a man involved, or even a
woman – see if you can get their legal name and a photograph of
them which shows their face clearly. If you don't have one, see if
you get one off their social media. If they're working in a club or
for an agency, get their address, a photograph, find out if they're
licensed or not. Document, document, document everything you know
right now and put it in a folder or file you keep in a safe place
where no one can find it or see it but you for now. Don't think “oh
it will be there later” because if there is criminal activity going
on – it may disappear overnight. I have learned the hard way that
ads may disappear, websites may go down literally in front of your
eyes, videos may just go poof - so record everything. Screen shot
pages online, make duplicate recordings of videos, print out
documents, and make sure that you have a back-up copy on paper, as
well as a back-up disk. I've had things saved on my hard drive, only
to have a virus thrown at me and then things were lost. So I've
learned to get hard copy print-outs, and disk back-ups of EVERYTHING.
Don't even trust court or medical
records. When my grandfather died under suspicious circumstances –
when we went back to get his medical records they were literally
emptied out. We should have asked for duplicates before we ever left
the hospital. The same for court records. I've seen clerks open up
filing cabinets – only to hand me an empty file. So if there are
any records on anything anywhere else like a courthouse or a doctors'
office – get a copy for yourself immediately. This especially goes
for restraining orders, police reports, or even copies of lawsuits.
Also, it's also important to note if
we're talking about a child here or an adult. Your relationship to
this person makes a difference. Clearly you have more control over
the situation if this is a juvenile and you're the parent. However,
if this is an adult and you're just a friend of the family, then
you're limited as to what you can find out about or what you can do
about anything. So when starting up your file on this situation –
also take into note if this person is of legal age, because of the
laws are different for juveniles then adults in each state, and also
what your relationship is with this person. In putting together your
file of what information you have on this situation right now –
you'll also be able to see if you are just jumping to a lot of
conclusions, or if you have real hard solid evidence of a situation.
But it's also important to know if you're at the “preventive”
stage or a “corrective” stage of this situation.
THIRD STEP
Investigate. I strongly recommend
doing any type of legal records research you can on the other person
or company you're either suspicious of, or that's involved in this
situation. If they own a company – find out if they have a
business license. There should be a business license department you
can check with. If they're a professional like a lawyer, doctor or a
real estate agent – find out if they're licensed. Check with the
state licensing board to find out if they're licensed properly, and
what information they might provide. You can find what you need to
do this research with a search engine – or you can hire a private
investigator. Check with the local courthouse. There could be
criminal or even civil (non-criminal) court documents on this person
and/or company.
When talking to people to do this
record research – be very careful what you say about what you're
doing. Remember, there might be laws regarding defamation, libel,
slander, or even stalking, that could get you into trouble while
you're doing this research. Each state has different laws regarding
what may be considered as “over the line”. So I strongly
recommend you leave this to professional investigators who know the
law, and to consult with a local attorney to have them advise you
about the laws in your area also.
But if you can't afford this, and have
to do it on your own, make sure you have looked up the laws
beforehand and you are aware of what's legal vs. not legal to do when
gathering information on someone's background. Especially with
respect to things like defamation. For example, if you call someone
a “pimp” they might be able to sue you for that statement.
However, if you say “in my opinion this person is a pimp” it may
be covered under free speech. But further be aware that if this
person is a pimp and/or criminal trafficker your snooping around
could trigger a backlash of some kind against the person you're
trying to protect. Which is why at this stage of the game try to be
discrete. In other words, don't go plastering posters all over town
just yet saying “so and so is a pimp”. This is purely an
intelligence gathering stage you're at now. You might even be wrong
about this person and gathering up the background information will
reveal a lot to you about the other party involved.
This includes a diary. Start keeping a diary of events. Dates this person called. What was said. What you saw. What you found out. Someone called you about this person. You saw them with your loved one at the mall. She had a black-eye at dinner. However, small it may seem to you - write it down in a diary and document with evidence if you can. I've seen whole cases won on a diary. Otherwise, you would be shocked what you can't remember a year down the road when you're stressed out and worried. Remember, people don't care what you feel or think. This diary is for EVENTS or things that happened that can be used as evidence later down the road. Things like "took her to the hospital to get a cast on her arm" or "she showed up at the house with two black eyes". Those are the kinds of things to record in your diary.
Now this is going to sound harsh - but you might want to make sure there's a DNA sample somewhere. I keep hearing about bodies being found all the time and they have no way of identifying them or matching them with a missing persons report because no one has any DNA of the missing person. If you can collect hair that has a root on it, or maybe this sounds disgusting but an old tampon you pulled out of the trash would have blood on it, but you need to think about ways to get blood, saliva, semen, or a hair with a root on it for DNA evidence to store some place safe. I have heard over and over again how these girls just go missing in one day and no one has any DNA evidence, fingerprints, dental records, etc. Then when they find these bodies - there's just no way to match them up. So think evidence now while you have this person in your life if you're worried something might happen to them.
This includes a diary. Start keeping a diary of events. Dates this person called. What was said. What you saw. What you found out. Someone called you about this person. You saw them with your loved one at the mall. She had a black-eye at dinner. However, small it may seem to you - write it down in a diary and document with evidence if you can. I've seen whole cases won on a diary. Otherwise, you would be shocked what you can't remember a year down the road when you're stressed out and worried. Remember, people don't care what you feel or think. This diary is for EVENTS or things that happened that can be used as evidence later down the road. Things like "took her to the hospital to get a cast on her arm" or "she showed up at the house with two black eyes". Those are the kinds of things to record in your diary.
Now this is going to sound harsh - but you might want to make sure there's a DNA sample somewhere. I keep hearing about bodies being found all the time and they have no way of identifying them or matching them with a missing persons report because no one has any DNA of the missing person. If you can collect hair that has a root on it, or maybe this sounds disgusting but an old tampon you pulled out of the trash would have blood on it, but you need to think about ways to get blood, saliva, semen, or a hair with a root on it for DNA evidence to store some place safe. I have heard over and over again how these girls just go missing in one day and no one has any DNA evidence, fingerprints, dental records, etc. Then when they find these bodies - there's just no way to match them up. So think evidence now while you have this person in your life if you're worried something might happen to them.
FOURTH STEP
Examine your relationship with the
person you're worried about. You can't help someone you don't have
an open line of communication with. So if they're withdrawing from
you, or even threatening to cut you off because you're pushing on
them to “stay away” from this other person, or this job they may
be working at, then you need to stop. The most important tool you
have right now is an open line of communication. You need to know
where they live, where they work, where they go to school, their
phone numbers, email, etc. So if you're still in communication with
them, but they're starting to pull away from you over this issue –
stop. If you aren't in communication – then see what you can do to
repair the situation. If it means lying to them by saying “I won't
bring this up again” then that's something you should consider
doing.
Remember though, abuse victims,
especially those being pimped and/or trafficked, are often cut off
from family and friends by their abuser. It's well known that pimps
will often deliberately create a fight to stir up the one you care
about leaving the house, blocking your phone number, cutting off your
emails, or doing whatever they can to limit their contact with you.
That is one of your most precious important tools – so I strongly
suggest you take stock of that relationship. If you're harping on
them and they're pulling away from you for that reason – then shut
up about the subject for now and talk about other things. I remember
my grandmother was like a broken record – she'd latch onto
something and just go on and on about the same thing anytime I'd get
near her. What I wound up doing was not speaking to her at all for a
couple of years. You can't help someone who isn't talking to you.
So examine your relationship with this person and make sure you have
as open of a line of communication with them as you can.
If it needs repairing, repair it.
Spend some time with them without bringing up this subject. Go to
dinner, shopping, a movie, the park, lunch, coffee, a concert, etc.
If they don't live with you – see if you can do something together
once a week like church or a volunteer project together. If they do
live with you – make sure that you don't talk about this at meals
or they'll start avoiding you completely in your own home. Make sure
that having contact with you is a pleasant experience where you can
build up trust. If you need professional help – get it. If you
can't afford it – contact your local mental health department or
university and see what kind of free help is available near you.
Find some kind of hobby, group, or activity you can do with this
person on a regular basis to maintain contact and communication
during this time. If they have a hobby, group, or activity they do
regularly that you don't – then do. Get involved. Remember, one
of the things that makes these victims prey to this is that they make
them feel “special”. I'm not saying imitate them – but make
sure you're paying positive attention to this person so they aren't
as vulnerable to this.
FIFTH STEP
Once you have gathered together all of
the information on this situation that you can, and once you've been
advised what the laws are about gathering this information – now
you need to know two things further. The first is you need to know
what the laws are in your area about prostitution, and also
trafficking. What is considered “trafficking” vs. “pimping”
or even “pandering”. In other words, you need to know where the
lines are with what is this other person you love, and the other
person(s) you fear breaking the law.
They might not be breaking one single
law with respect to pimping and/or trafficking – but they might not
be reporting all of their income to Uncle Sam and thus be guilty of
income tax evasion. When I was fighting Joe Conforte, owner of the
Mustang Ranch Brothel, in Nevada, everything he was doing was legal.
But like Al Capone, he wasn't reporting everything on his tax
returns. Therefore, we were able to drive him out of the country
through getting him charged with income tax evasion. So once again,
you need to have that consultation with a local attorney, or if you
can't afford that, go to your local law library or self-help law
center and get a copy of the criminal codes so that you know what
exactly the lines are this person has to cross to be arrested. You
also won't know what laws they might be breaking if you don't have
all of your information on this other person. That's why you need to
gather your information first, then dig in to find out what the laws
are that need to be broken to get a criminal arrest.
If they aren't breaking the criminal
laws – maybe there's a civil lawsuit that can be filed. Remember
with the OJ trial – the Goldman family lost at the criminal court
but won at the civil court. So once you've researched all of the
criminal laws, then research the civil laws. If you don't understand
the “legalese” they're written in, and you can't find an attorney
to give you a consultation to help you – then go next to your local
college or university law professor and see if they'll help explain
everything to you. You'd be surprised at how helpful a law professor
can be with respect to helping you understand the legal side of what
you're dealing with. I've known some to actually put together
lectures for their students on the subject that you can then attend.
I've also contacted many a prosecutor's office and they've had
deputies who have explained things to me. So if you don't fully
understand the laws in your area – then see if you can get someone
to explain them to you that's qualified to do so. In other words,
don't have the local car mechanic explain them to you but a law
professor or a prosecutor deputy would be a good source.
So at this stage, make sure you know
what the laws are, that you understand those laws, you understand how
they apply to you and this situation, and also document what you were
told. If anything goes down and there's a trial of some kind, you
want to be sure you documented what everyone told you.
FIFTH STEP
Which ties into this step. People will
say all kinds of things to you – but when it becomes something like
someone going to jail they might turn around and say “I never said
that.” You may also have that person who promised you something –
leave. They might retire, get a transfer, or they might have just
not been properly informed. You need to get in the habit of
recording things now anyway – which includes your information
gathering. If you speak to a local prosecutor about what that laws
are with respect to pimping – then record that person. But again,
make sure you are LEGALLY recording them. If you're not sure if
it's legal to record them, then ASK. Just say “I keep terrible
notes so you don't mind if I record this do you?” You're not
making a documentary (hopefully) and just keeping this for your own
notes so most people won't object. A warning however – if you
advise someone they're being recorded they're a lot less likely to
tell you much. So if you can legally record them in your state
without informing them – you will get more information that way.
SIXTH STEP
If anything goes down – you're going
to need friends. If you don't know any cops, prosecutors,
politicians, etc. then you're not likely to get any help. It's a
sad statement but it's true. During Snoop Dogg's RV tour where he
was pimping women across this country in 2003 – I got a call from a
local senator in Nevada asking me to go help a pregnant woman who was
being trafficked by another pimp under Snoop. The state didn't want
to get involved in the prosecution and he has not been charged to
date despite his confession in “Rolling Stone”. He told me very
clearly that he was calling me to go help her “because a friend of
his had asked him for help”. This person has never discussed this
openly and probably never would. To have done so before Snoops
confession in the magazine could have resulted in a huge defamation
lawsuit. So realize that most people aren't going to stick out their
necks over someone they don't know.
I've talked to many a fine police
officer, prosecutor, judge, etc., who say they are just completely
over-whelmed with the work. They're all doing the work of 10 of more
people and there's just not enough hours in the day. They have to
pick out the most dangerous cases to start with first of all to get
them off the streets. After that, there's no time left. You have to
be something that's of a personal cause to them if you expect
anything to get done. You'd also be surprised what one phone call
can make. When I was being harassed by some unknown person who had
my power turned off in Nevada after I gave a press conference on sex
trafficking in the state – they were demanding $2000 from me. They
had given me no notice, and had decided to attach my dead mother and
dead grandmother's bill to mine the day after the press conference.
Illegal? Sure. But my power was off and what was I going to do
about it? Sue? A phone call from an Assemblyman who had promised me
if I gave this press conference he would “have my back” got my
power back on in two hours. He kept his word and he got my power
back on. They retaliated against him for this and I feel bad about
that. But the fact remains that one phone call from him got my power
back on.
Start with any politician you can get
close to. See who is running for office and can you volunteer to
help them run? If there's a city or town hall meeting – go. Local
city council meeting? Go. Bring coffee and donuts if you can. Is
there a judge running for election? See if you can help them
campaign. Does the mayor need help passing something out? Is a
politician speaking somewhere? If you have money – donate support.
If you don't – volunteer. Get involved in your local political
environment. Is the local Police Association having a meeting?
Offer to go and help make coffee. Offer to bring people from your
local church to support the event. Make yourself useful and do what
you can to become known by your local authorities. That way if
something happens at 2:00 in the morning – you have someone's home
phone number you can call about it. Don't abuse now – just start
building your relationships at this stage.
Is there a local trafficking group near
you? Find out and get involved. Find out who is running the group
and see what you can do to help support their work with other
victims. An invaluable tool for you is to see how other victims are
being treated in your area. Are they having an event? Go.
Fundraiser? Bring some friends and donate a few bucks. But get
yourself as involved as you can with the local people and put them in
your personal phone book. The more you get involved with the local
group near you – the more likely you are to hear about other cases
near you. The more you hear about other cases near you – you might
hear something relevant to the person you care about. So get
involved with your local area and start building relationships with
people.
If the person you care about is a
juvenile – get to know the people who work with juveniles. Find
out who the judges are, the probation officers, the social workers,
etc. Are there any local groups around you that work with troubled
juveniles? You'll have a better time figuring out what to do if
you're talking to people who are working with other kids just like
yours. But to do that, you need to make contact and build a
relationship with people who are working with other kids like yours.
If there's a local program working with trafficked kids near you –
see if you can volunteer.
If the person you care about has
children with this pimp – get to know who your local Child
Protective Services people are. Search engines online is a good
place to start. See if there's any local community events going on
where you can go and find out more about who these people are. What
are the procedures and guidelines in your town? These are things you
may need to know which they'll be able to tell you. Not sure how to
get ahold of them? Contact a local adoption agency or one that
handles foster parents. Local foster parents who get these kids from
CPS can usually inform you about what's going on in the area, and
what the local people are like doing it.
Don't forget the local press. Don't
call up 60 Minutes. But if you have a local town newspaper – find
out about it. Same for local public access TV, radio, magazines,
etc. Make a list of what the local press is in your area. For
example, in Los Angeles, California they have Los Angeles magazine.
However, that won't exist in Colorado. Do you have only one news
station? Who is your local news person? Think of it this way – if
you come home and find your loved one has just disappeared and the
police are refusing to help who are you going to call? The news. So
start digging up who the local media is near you. Get their contact
information in your phone book. Find out what kinds of stories they
publish. Los Angeles magazine for example will publish stories
pertaining to Los Angeles – but maybe not if my kid goes missing.
But the local Parents Magazine might care to run a story if my kid
were to go missing with a pimp.
Don't be a pest or a problem. Go and
make friends. Be supportive. Volunteer. Contribute. Get involved.
These people may be your lifeline with this problem.
SEVENTH STEP
Make sure you don't lock yourself into
this being an obsession. Take care of your health. Don't lose
sleep, not eat, not exercise, and then push yourself into a stroke
over this in other words. Don't neglect your job because you can't
afford to be fired now. Don't pull away from your volunteer work
because you may need those other people to help you. Don't pull out
of your church, temple, etc., because you need your spiritual life
centered. Be sure to exercise properly, get rest, eat right, and
take care of your health. Too often I've seen mothers push
themselves into the hospital over something like this. Then they're
no good to anyone. If you can't stay calm – meditate. Try an
Al-anon meeting. Do some biofeedback. Go roller skating. Anything
you can to keep your stress levels down.
EIGHTH STEP
If you had to orchestrate a “rescue” or a “get away” then you
need to find out what resources you have near you. Do you have a
local domestic violence or homeless shelter for example near you? Do
you have a car to get there? Do you need one? Which is another
thing to consider is that if you are seeking help for yourself, or
even another, everyone is going to need an ID. Make sure you have a
birth certificate, social security card, and an ID for yourself
available if you need to show it to get assistance, and also you have
back-up copies for the person you care about. If there is a pimp
involved – they will also most likely take the victims' ID so they
can't run.
Think “what if?” What if this person came to you and said “get
me out of here” and they were in fear of their life? Do you have a
legally owned gun to protect yourself? What are the laws with regard
to guns and protecting yourself. I read a story where a woman fired
warning shots from inside her home to protect her children, and she
got locked up because of the laws where she lived. So when you're
researching your laws, be sure to find out what they are with respect
to protecting yourself and others you care about. Especially if
you're going to use a gun for protection.
Now if you have money to leave town and start over – fine. If not,
start saving or finding out what local resources you have in case the
time comes where you have to move this person to safety, or they tell
you they want help to leave. Be ready with your escape plan in other
words.
NINETH STEP
Don't assume that by removing one pimp
you solve the whole problem. Statistically, if you remove just the
one person or situation – the person you care about is likely to go
out and find someone just like them, or even worse. I've seen that
over and over again. Then again, you may have a situation where if
you don't move quickly and do everything in your power to stop them
from getting on that plane – you may never see them again. You
just don't know and that's why all of your information gathering is
important at this stage. Because now is where you have to sit down
and look at everything that you have and then figure out what you're
going to do about it.
This means also looking at the person
you care about very objectively also. If there is a pimp who has
gotten your baby hooked on drugs – you can talk to the cows come
home and they're not going to leave them as long as they need another
fix of drugs. Meaning the first thing you need to do is to get them
into treatment. Don't assume the pimp might block you on this
either. You'd be shocked at how many pimps are putting their women
into drug treatment right now because they're not selling as well
because they look sick. Again, something you would have a better
chance of knowing if you know more about this other person or company
that's involved. I've seen whole drug treatment programs set up just
to treat the women in a trafficking ring so they get clean but don't
rat out the ring. So they might be supportive of you getting this
person into treatment.
But you're at the stage now where it's
“what are you going to do about this?” Which frankly there's a
million different options. They boil down to basically either
removing the person you care about from the situation, or getting the
other person or company to back away, or hand them back. At this
point, I can tell you a 1000 different stories of what I've done to
get someone out of these situations. They were all different. They
were also all dependent upon what I was dealing with in that case.
So past this point, all I can do is tell you some stories. You'll
have to be the one to get creative and figure out what you're going
to do from here though.
For more on the stories of the
different rescues I've been involved with over 30 years now of my
life – you can check out “Diary of an American Madam”.
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